• Do some pull-ups. If a man saunters by, keep doing them, but take one hand and at least three fingers off the bar and sneer at him
• Make any and all decisions with the same gravity with which Nicholas Cage delivers “I’m going to steal the Declaration of Independence”
• Get yourself at least one outfit that makes you feel as if punching an Austrian terrorist is just the warm-up
• (Because it is)
• Invest in one of those showers with the sexy glass doors, so that your lovers/enemies can see your hazy yet undoubtedly sleek figure do that hair flip thing
• File all of the heels of your stiletto shoes into actual stilettos.
• Find one of those Gentlemen’s Clubs wherein pipes are smoked and brandy is swirled; kick down the door wearing a leathery boobs-akimbo outfit, light up a cigar with a propane torch, and hiss, “I am no man!”. Have a Youtube clip of that Eowyn scene queued up on your phone in case someone doesn’t get the reference.
• Learn how to say “Enchanté” and “I bet your wife couldn’t do this” in at least 17 languages
• Carefully mark your regular lipstick so you don’t confuse it with your poison one
• Make sure your leg can travel a vertical 180 degrees
• Always carry a wig
• Ride a tiger around sometimes
• Practice your backflips in the mirror so you don’t make that weird backflip face in the heat of the moment
• When you meet Beefchunk McRipplechest, immediately find out what his hobbies, skills, and aspirations are, and flawlessly do everything he loves with cool nonchalance. Then set his car on fire, just ’cause.
• If you find yourself locked up in a Cambodian prison with no chance of release, simply shift into your natural form (this is almost always a large anaconda) and facilitate your own escape. Allowing others to help you in any way is punishable by death, in accordance with Hippolyta’s Sacred Code.
• After completing any badassery, ensure that one foot lands directly in front of the other as you walk away so that your hips take out the eyes of any gawkers